The two metaphors of emotional capitalism:
1. Forgiveness as moral bankruptcy: that to forgive someone is to forgive the moral debts that they owe to you, and to forgive yourself works the same way.
2. Trust and love before it has been earned or before you know that someone deserves it, in other words, faith, as a loan of emotional capital: that, to begin a relationship, you give someone a loan, without knowing whether they deserve it, without knowing whether they will ever pay it back, but in the hope that you will be rewarded for it long-term, and this loan is made of emotions, love, trust, hope, friendship, spending time with the other person, talking to them, etc.
Definitions:
Emotional capital: love, trust, respect, politeness, being nice and friendly and cheerful and loving
A loan: to give something to someone not knowing if or when you will ever be paid back for it, in the hopes that the loan might mature into something worth having, which is then repayment with interest.
Forgiveness: that, if you do something wrong, you owe a debt for having failed, to self or others, to whomever you wronged. Forgiveness is moral bankruptcy, to write off the debt, to wipe the debt off the books.
Rule 1: Give him a loan.
Rule 2: Ask him to give you a loan.
Rule 3: Forgive him.
Rule 4: Ask him to forgive you.
Rule 5: Forgive yourself.
Rule 6: Give yourself a loan (as self-confidence that you can do this).
Rule 7: Give the relationship itself a loan.
These rules make a lot more sense if you have read any of these essays of mine: “On Forgiveness,” “On Moral Psychology and Moral Philosophy,” “To Be Loved, Love,” or “The Math and Logic of Psychology.”
